How to Get Your Human to Sing and Act Like a Complete Idiot

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While they will never admit it, all humans – CEOs of major corporations, ruthless politicians, spoiled professional athletes, slithery attorneys – all humans, if properly manipulated by a cat, can be reduced to a level of behavior that would embarrass The Three Stooges.

When things get a little dull around the old homestead, I like to liven things up by getting Steve to perform for me. Being a music connoisseur, I especially enjoy it when he sings, and the louder and more off-key, the better. Of course, depending on my mood, I might select from a variety of other types of human performances – all madcap, all hilarious.

Quite frankly, there’s nothing quite like getting your human to act like a complete idiot purely for your own amusement, a skill no self-respecting cat can do without. For some reason, we cats have an uncanny ability to bring out the best – or worst – in our humans with very little effort. Humans can be a great source of entertainment (and laughs), IF you know what to do.

The first thing is to assess the premiere areas of your human’s potential for goofiness – and remember, all humans have this capacity. Do they sing? Do they talk baby talk? Do they imitate your meows? Do they pick you up and hug you and turn gooey and gushy? All humans can be easily duped into acting like complete idiots. Why I’ll bet even Socks Clinton had ‘ole Bill singing to him in the privacy of the Oval Office.

Once you have targeted your human’s specific talents (or lack thereof), choose a proper time to elicit a performance. Most humans are rather shy and will not perform for you when other humans are around. If you try to get your human to sing or whatever in the presence of other humans, you will be gravely disappointed. You must wait until you are alone with them. Also, pick a time when they are in a reasonably good mood. For example, if your human has just been notified that the IRS wants to audit their tax returns for the last ten years or so, they probably won’t feel much like singing or dancing. Wait until you have private, quality kitty time with your human. Then, and only then, will they feel completely uninhibited and free to let their talent (and lunacy) soar.

Once you have selected the type of performance you want, and the right time, you’re ready to settle back and have some tummy-tickling laughs at your human’s expense. That’s entertainment!

How do you get your human to act like a complete idiot for your amusement? It’s so ridiculously simple, even a kitten can do it. All you have to do is meow a couple times and look cute. Yes, fellow cat, the mere sound of your voice and cuteness of your face is all it takes to push your human’s craziness button and unleash a command performance. It’s that simple.

Let’s look at a few examples:

Steve has a predilection for making up songs that incorporate the name of whatever food he’s giving me and singing them to me at the top of his lungs. Some of them are quite clever, actually. My favorite song is “Ocean Whitefish Treat,” which also happens to be one of my favorite food selections. While Steve is opening the can and dishing it up, he throws back his head like Caruso, and to the tune of the chorus of “Jingle Bells,” sings “Ocean Whitefish, Ocean Whitefish, Ocean Whitefish Treat…It’s good for cats, it’s good for cats, it’s good for cats to eat.”  I never get tired of hearing “Ocean Whitefish Treat.” It always gives me a chuckle or two or three. And once, on a hot summer day, Steve forgot that the kitchen window was open, as was our neighbor’s, just across the driveway. You can only imagine the extra yuks I had when, toward the end of the song, he realized that he just treated our neighbor to a soaring, ringing rendition of “Ocean Whitefish Treat.” What a memorable laugh riot that was.

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