Before we get started on the good stuff, let me tell you a little about myself and why I am so indubitably and unquestionably qualified to write a how-to manual for cats.
My name is Quasi, and because my fur is white and I’m somewhat on the large side, my human affectionately refers to me as “Big White Guy.” (He really had to reach for that one.) I’m part Siamese, which accounts for my expansive vocabulary and baby blue eyes, and the other part of me is flat-out, street-fighting, take-no-prisoners tomcat. And even though my jumbo size may cause some to think I’m built for comfort, not for speed (as the old blues song goes), I’m NOT fat. It’s all muscle, I tell you! Yes, I’m 18 punchin’ pounds of fabulous feline, all cleverly camouflaged as a warm, furry bundle of burning love. I purr at the drop of a dime, melt into a mushy pile of goo on a moment’s notice, and I allow my human to pick me up and do whatever he wants with me (within reason, of course). At first glance, I may seem like a slothful, bone-lazy lummox, but underneath my deceptively cute and cuddly exterior is a cat who possesses the wisdom of the ages, a keen intellect, stoic resolve, and if I do say so myself, rapier-like wit. I’m nine years old, which makes me about 50 in human years (or around 183 in Venus years), so I’ve been around the block a few times (literally) and I know what I’m talking about. And as far as my writing ability goes, I was William Shakespeare in a previous life. Need I say more?