How to Annoy Humans Who Are Allergic to Cats

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Among our many supernatural attributes that are complete mysteries to humans, we cats have the uncanny ability to determine which humans are allergic to us and which ones are not. This skill comes in very handy when a new person comes over to your house and you need to decide whether to keep napping if they’re not allergic to you or wake up and unleash allergic mayhem if they are.

Let me give you an example. Whenever a new person comes over to our house, my kitty Allerg-O-Detector instantly alerts me as to whether this human is allergic to cats. If they are, and if I feel like a little amusement, I trot out and say hello. This usually causes Steve and his female to say something like, “Wow, Quasi must really like you. He hardly ever comes out when a stranger comes over.” Before the human can say, “But I’m allergic to cats,” I start sinuously weaving around their legs, rubbing my face against their pants and getting plenty of allergy-laden cat hair on their clothing. This ensures that not only will they start sneezing within a few minutes, they’ll also carry my allergens home with them for more sneezing and wheezing later on. When the human sits down, I immediately jump up in their lap, settle down and start purring, all the while shooting more cat hair up into their face. Then I gaze up at them with love in my alluring kitty eyes and give them a look as if to say, “I don’t know you, but I sense that you’re the greatest, kindest, most cat-loving person on Earth.” Because even the most allergic human can’t resist my considerable charms, they’ll automatically stroke me a few times, which will cause even more fur to fly and more allergens to be released. At this point, Steve or his femle will shoo me away. But, too late!